Since the beast kill her mother when Little Red Ridding Hood was born, a kind of damn invaded our town: everyfull moon a giant wolf, called the beast, kill most of people. Y. ears ago, there was created the hunters order, an order formed of the best hunters of the town with the mission of take the head of the beast. But my girlfriend, Little Red Ridding Hood and me devised a better plan.
I was chained to a tree, I was the bait. When the beast came to me, she could kill it. Moonlight. I opened the says and the wolf was in front of me. I recognised her eyes. Little Red Ridding Hood lunge to me. No hope. The beast kill me, she eats me.
Adrián
This looks like a potentially amazing story - it's just needs to be made more clear? For instance- who's "me"?
ReplyDeleteshe eats (what)????
change it a bit to see if you can improve it
I changed the sroty because of one critic I received (yes, it was Alfonso's one). Instead of the good comment of Isabel Lisbona, It is true that a longer and more developed sory could be better. And I think it works, this story now I think is quite good and quite surprising and different.
Deleteyes, now it makes more sense. There's a few typos to correct, but all in all the story is great
ReplyDelete